which dreams, these?

what dreams lurk here?
i do not know. my night
in stillness reposes,
the only peace i find.

my pen has tried to
reflect, draw forth.
in abjection, i refuse.

reveal! reveal! my pen
cried out.
i covered her mouth.

stuffed that little piece,
lost it (i tried to lose it)
amongst the many
papers crumpled
at my feet.

the ones i say are
trash, or incomplete,
the ones i do not share

what dreams are here?
how could i know?
covered over,
in the foggy mist
that is my mind

my life on hold
my life on hold
so many years
my life on hold.

i've barely just begun,
like some toddling babe
gazing out into the wide
world.

eyes peeled open,
in awe, in fear.

i need to hide
beneath my mother's
skirts.

its all too much
all too much

t'would be nice to have a dream,
to look forward to,
to wake me from

daytime
night
terrors

to wake me
from this

s
c
r
e
a
m

oh dream,
i will struggle
you out!

i will squeeze
you up and
spew you
forth!

this disconnect,
my silent scream.

what dreams may come?
i shall know soon
enough.

i tremble
at the reveal

--bruised orange